PB is not always peanut butter

I'm not on Facebook a lot, but from time to time I'll update my status. It usually coincides with my hubby going back to work. Speaking of hubby.... it's been grating on my nerves using that term to describe my beloved, as it's not usually what I call him.

My husband's name is Arthur and to be quite frank I've never liked it. We met over the Internet, for those of you who aren't familiar with the tale, and from the very beginning I've struggled with his name. Initially, I wanted to call him Peter, which is his middle name, but that didn't suit him either. I do prefer Arthur over what he prefers to be called and what his friends call him, Art. Considering that I have a degree in Fine Art, this seems kind of funny. Art reminds me of what dogs do "arf, arf" and that is not how I like to refer to him.

When we were dating, I began to call him pet names such as my hunnybunny and then a conversation about Garfield led me to call him Pooky Bear. Now, Arthur, loves to pretend he's not hearing me correctly and repeat something I've said, but completely twists it around so it's ridiculous. Pooky Bear came back to me as Pukey Bear? We bantered back and forth, me correcting him, him repeating himself, until I just gave in and said, "Ok fine, PUKEY bear it is." And ever since then, he's been my Pukey Bear aka, PB. Well, actually the a.k.as go much further, which is also his doing.

Did I mention that he's always had issue with my given name as well? From the very beginning we have not used each others names and in fact it usually sounds awkward when we do. I even tried to eliminate them in our wedding vows, but the minister put them in during the wedding anyway. I don't even recall when he started calling me Oinky, but it definitely had to do with the fact that I love food. Oinky has had many variations - Oinkster, Oinklinger, Oinky Bear, Oinkster Doinkster and then the variations diverted into other porcine names - Porkster and Porklinger. There are many more elaborate and 'colourful' variations that would not be appropriate in print.

The altering of names has been a long tradition of his. Most of his friends, if not all, have some sort of nickname. His mother has never been called mom or any variation because she too has become victim to his naming. He has also extended this to my brother who was Uncle Ken before he was ever an uncle and also Kenbow - meaning Ken the boy in Japanese. This of course has extended to our child. Corwin has been called Pizza face (on account of his bad baby acne and then eczema), Sharky and Gummer. Gummer is the only one that has withstood the test of time and now he is affectionately known as Gummer to his immediate family. I thought that perhaps once he grew teeth that Gummer would have to be called something else, but it seems to have stuck, although I have also come up with Gummy Bear to be part of the Oinky Bear, Pukey Bear trio.

Arthur is known as Pukey Bear, PB, Pukester, Pukester Dukester and Pukester Dukester aka Snooty Cheese Pants. I generally refer to him as PB in print, as it's much easier to write. From here on in, you will no longer see the term hubby, but rather my PB, and you'll know I'm not talking about missing peanut butter.